Even non-fans of the program “Live Healthy!” know: in a series of clips from Malyshev’s programs, the topic of gas emission occupies one of the first places, second only, perhaps, to the dance of testicles and the circumcision of a girl in a sweater
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“I fart after orgasm,” a sad woman hiding behind a screen complains to the TV personality. “And I fart up to ten times a day,” lamented the well-fed man. The audience farts and writhes with laughter. “Farting is normal!” - Elena Malysheva proclaims in a poisonous green dress, in person, apparently personifying a vigorous fart.
Despite the popularity of the topic, the issue of gas eruption is still poorly understood. And our aunt-doctor remains one of the few people related to science who can authoritatively state: “If a person farts after orgasm, he does not need to call an ambulance.”
The Bombora publishing house published an educational book, “Don’t Keep It to Yourself,” made in the colors of Elena Malysheva’s . The author of the imperishable book is British chef and host of the television show “Cooking in the Danger Zone” on the BBC, Stefan Gates . He does not hide the fact that he likes to fart under the covers (he calls it a “Dutch oven”), but he wrote about “the stinking klaxons of humanity”, relying not only on personal experience, but also on the research of British scientists.
Despite the playful presentation and amusing selection of facts, the tome contains links to reputable publications and foreign magazines. This is the main value of the book. Gates approached the issue responsibly, and not just to fart.
Doctor of Medical Sciences Elena Malysheva approved the emission of gases during orgasm. Shot from Channel One
Women are smellier than men
Jonathan Swift even claimed that there are five different types of farts. The first is a sonorous and full-scale, invigorating fart. The second is a double fart. The third is soft and sizzling. The fourth one is wet. The fifth is a sad fart against the wind.
Unlike the author of Gulliver's Travels, the modern researcher concentrated not on the sound, but on the olfactory component. Which farts are the most fragrant? What can I do to make the stink less noticeable? Or maybe, on the contrary, someone wants to fully enjoy the “Dutch oven” under their blanket?
One of the conclusions that feminists obviously will not like is that due to the increased concentration of the main smelly gases, women let out much more vigorous whisperers than men. The author cites a study from the journal “Intestines”, from which it follows that the concentration of hydrogen sulfide in women’s gases is three times higher than in men’s. And the volume of stench is twice as large. But the female fart becomes even worse if the lady is on hormone replacement therapy.
The consolation is that women fart almost twice as often as men. On average, in one shot, a representative of the fair half of humanity releases 89 milliliters, while the stronger half of humanity releases as much as 120!
Jonathan Swift classified farts back in the 18th century
Classification
How can you fart? There is a conventionally accepted classification. There are several types of farts based on strength. It can be simple. In this case, it can be compared to a strong single and instant salvo. It is formed when the gap through which the air escapes is sufficiently stretched, and the force pushing it out is powerful enough to push it out the first time. A complex fart is fired in bursts. The volleys follow each other continuously. Some authors call them "diphthongs". There is also a statement that with a strong physique, a person is able to fire a couple of dozen volleys in a row.
"Indigestible" foods
It is generally accepted that the most gases are produced by legumes. Pythagoras , for example, forbade his students to use them, fearing that the soul could be released with the gases. But Saint Jerome strictly ordered nuns to avoid beans because this product “tickles the genitals.”
But it is important to know that the most powerful fuel for the production of intestinal gases is not beans, but Jerusalem artichoke. After eating Jerusalem artichoke it really does blow like a pipe. It's all because of the inulin contained in the root vegetable. It is so difficult for our intestinal enzymes to break it down that Jerusalem artichoke is considered “indigestible.”
Back in the 17th century, Jerusalem artichoke was a very popular food product. The tubers, reminiscent of ginger in texture, did not require special planting, spread like a weed and, moreover, could be stored in the ground for a long time. Even if Columbus potatoes, it’s scary to think how smelly the average family dinners would have been.
“No matter how you cook it, it provokes vile and disgusting stinking gases in the body, causing terrible pain in the stomach - such food is more suitable for pigs than for people,” botanist John Goodyer .
The author of the book greatly regrets that the menus of expensive restaurants that offer Jerusalem artichoke are silent about such properties of the root vegetable.
A perdobus powered by biomethane extracted from feces can travel 186 km without refueling. Thus, the “material” produced by five people during the year will be spent
The mechanism of diphthong volleys
How to fart correctly? The state of the anus plays a key role in the mechanism of the diphthong volley. Before you fart, certain conditions must be met to ensure proper air release. When firing a salvo, it is advisable to follow some recommendations. As a result, you can experience quite pleasant sensations from the process.
- It is necessary that the anus is spacious and surrounded by a sufficiently elastic and strong sphincter.
- There should be enough air to make a simple ordinary fart.
- After the first salvo is fired, the anus should close somewhat, but not completely and not too tightly. This is necessary so that the air can open it again without difficulty, provoking a slight and pleasant irritation in it. Some people compare the sensation they experience with an orgasm.
- After the air has been released, close the hole and then open it again. And so on several times.
- If necessary, you can hold the remaining air to release it at another time.
For those who would like such volleys to come out effortlessly, people with experience recommend eating foods that contribute to the accumulation of air in the intestines. These include, in particular, peas, turnips, legumes, garlic, and rutabaga.
From jump to fart
A special place in “Don’t Keep It to Yourself” is given to the art of highly artistic farting. Masters of this genre are called flatulists (not to be confused with philatelists).
The greatest medieval fart was Roland , an entertainer at the court of the 12th-century king Henry II . His performance ended with a dance involving the simultaneous performance of "one jump, one whistle and one fart." For his incredible abilities, the flatulist was awarded an estate with a huge territory.
Another famous fart is Mr. Le Petoman . He lived at the end of the 19th century and earned more with his butt than all our writers combined. It's no joke, his fees were twice those of Sarah Bernhardt . Le Petoman knew how to play the flute with his butt, imitate cannon fire, release smoke in rings, and even perform the Marseillaise while blowing out candles. Ambulances were on duty at the fart's performances, because laughing made some spectators feel sick. Admirers of the “poisoner’s” work included Edward , Prince of Wales, King Leopold II and Sigmund Freud . And Salvador Dali even considered the fart the greatest artist of our time.
Anyone who thinks that the genre has been exhausted is mistaken. You can enjoy Mr. Methane's . This tall Brit appears dressed in a green and purple superhero costume and a green mask. He can fart continuously for a whole minute, blow out candles with his gases, shoot darts from his ass, popping balloons. Strauss’s “Blue Danube . (By the way, much better than Olga Buzova’s singing. )
The influence of diphthong volleys on the state of others
It has been practically established that such a fart can be very scary. For people with a fine mental organization, such a volley can easily unbalance, frighten and even deprive them of their sanity. This conclusion was made on the basis of frequent observations, taking into account the constituent components from which such a bunch is formed.
Since you can fart quite strongly, the gas escaping out shakes the air quite noticeably. This certainly attracts the attention of others. Knowing how to fart loudly, you can easily clear your way or get rid of people you don’t want to be with. Such “weapons” are especially effective in indoor or crowded areas.
“Nothing bad smells there”
, the founding father of the United States, Benjamin Franklin, suggested that scientists should develop a medicine that would turn terrible farts into odors that would become “not only not disgusting, but as pleasant as perfume.”
British scientists have not yet achieved such know-how, but they have built a perdobus. The transport, powered by the processed product cocoa, travels quite quickly from Bath to Bristol and, as Gates testifies, “nothing bad smells there, although the illustrations under its windows are made in such a way as to make it seem as if passengers are sitting on toilets.” The author was also fortunate to see a Volkswagen Beetle running on the same fuel.
“Mishenka-bear, teach me how to fart, and if you don’t teach me, you’ll get it in the ear,” says a Russian proverb of unknown authorship. Why a bear should teach how to fart is completely unclear, but Gates listened to the request of our people.
Normally, a person produces up to three liters of farts per day, but for those who want more, the last pages of the tome are addressed. They offer a wide range of tips on how to make your fart even more thermonuclear. Who needs this is completely unclear, but let’s not demand much from the author. After all, he is from Britain.
HOW TO GAS EVEN MORE
If you're already eating fiber-rich foods but want more from your gut, fear not. Here are some useful tips.
- If you're already eating fiber-rich foods but want more from your gut, fear not. Here are some helpful tips: Swallow air. About 25 percent of farts consist of swallowed air.
- Try to swallow food as quickly as possible, chewing and sucking on the handles to increase saliva production, which promotes swallowing. Chewing gum will also be useful in this regard.
- Cook the cabbage for a long time. It's more a matter of smell than volume. The sulfur content of cabbage increases as it cooks, making your farts even stinkier.
- Consume foods and drinks that are full of gas. Milk foam, like the kind that floats on top of cappuccino or hot chocolate, is also quite persistent and carries air far through the intestines before being released.
- There are many foods that contain air bubbles: meringues, whipped cream, spongy snacks, corn sticks, rice and potato starch, and rice cakes. Interestingly, aerated chocolate often uses nitrogen or carbon dioxide instead of air, but they add volume in the same way.
- Avoid potatoes, bananas, avocados and wheat. The bottom line is that these foods are designed to ferment, so the bacteria in your gut are too busy breaking down carbohydrates to get to the proteins, which causes less hydrogen sulfide to be released.
- Eat protein powder used by bodybuilders. It's not for nothing that bodybuilders are famous for smelly farts, and it is believed that this is due to the excess amount of protein they consume.
Evgenia Korobkova
#45/2019 unpleasant smell photo eg.ru
General information
A fart can be defined as some wind or gas that accumulates in the lower abdomen. The reason for this, according to some doctors, is an excess of cooled mucus. With low heating, it separates, softening, but not completely dissolving. The formation of such accumulations is facilitated by the consumption of certain foods or seasonings. A fart can also be defined as compressed air, which, in search of an outlet, passes inside the body and, having found it, hastily flies out. In society, according to the rules of good manners, it is forbidden to emit gases in this way and to somehow comment on this process.
Treatment of flatulence in infants
If gas is observed in a newborn, how to help him? Unfortunately, it is difficult to completely rid a baby of increased gas production, since we, adults, are not able to change the physiology and accelerate the maturation of the baby’s gastrointestinal tract. And it is definitely impossible to answer the question of when the gas will go away for a baby. However, we can relieve the symptoms.
If your baby is breastfed, check for proper latch. Sometimes after correcting this moment, the child becomes much easier. Let us remind you that the baby should grasp not only the nipple, but also the areola, and his chin should rest on the chest. Mother and baby should be comfortable when applying. When feeding, no extraneous sounds should be heard (“smacking”, “clicking”, etc.).
If the baby is bottle-fed, pay close attention to how the baby sucks. The head should be higher than his tummy, the bottle should be raised so that air bubbles do not enter the baby's mouth. In addition, there are special pacifiers that prevent excess air from reaching the baby. Or you can simply buy a slow-flow pacifier.
Do not neglect the recommendation to carry your baby upright after feeding. When a newborn has gas, this is one of the simplest methods to help the baby. Hold the baby upright for 10–15 minutes until the burp appears. If after this the excess air has not escaped, place the baby on his back for a couple of minutes, and then carry him upright again.
Place on your stomach before feeding and give a light tummy massage in between. Simple movements in the form of adducting the legs or the “bicycle” exercise will additionally help relieve the baby from the accumulation of gases.
Colic in newborns
These are periods of intense crying that exhaust parents. All attempts to calm a baby between 2 weeks and 5 months are futile. There is no clear connection between screams and feeding, wakefulness or other facts. Colic occurs spontaneously and also ends suddenly. Moms and dads make a lot of assumptions and try to identify cause-and-effect relationships. However, all this is speculation; the true causes of infant colic are not reliably known. You can read more about colic in our article: How to understand that a baby has colic?
How to help your child cope with gases?
Help lies in eliminating the root causes. For short-term but quick relief of the baby's condition, tummy massage and posture therapy are best.
The large intestine is where gases accumulate. Therefore, light massage movements along the colon from the baby’s lower right corner (left for us) up, to the right and further down help move them to the place of natural exit. Laying on the stomach and using the disembarkation technique helps to facilitate bowel movements by changing the position of the baby's body.
What is constipation?
According to modern concepts, the diagnosis of constipation is established when a patient has two or more of the following symptoms: stool less than 3 times a week, hard or fragmented stool (even if it is daily), a feeling of incomplete bowel movement, a sensation of obstruction in the rectal area, the need to strain during bowel movements, to help yourself with your hands.
The so-called Bristol stool shape scale allows you to visually imagine the consistency of stool, characteristic of constipation. Constipation is characterized by the first and second types of stool on this scale.
How to fart quietly?
It is not always possible to allow the air to escape noisily. Often you have to hold back volleys at work, in crowded places. So how to fart quietly? In general, such silent air release is called “small” or “semi-vocal”. There are people who always fart quietly. This is due to the fact that their anus is not wide enough. Most often, this feature is characteristic of young girls.
In this case, some recommend simply squeezing the anus. In addition, the reason for the lack of sound may be a small supply of air contained in the intestines. This is due to the food that was consumed.
In turn, a small fart can be clean, medium and “aspirated”. In the first case, the air flows gently and softly through the outlet channel. This is accompanied by a light and quiet whistle, similar to that heard when blowing into a straw. In common parlance it is called a “girl fart”. When the air escapes in this case, there is no unpleasant odor that irritates the nose.
The average fart is different in that the air comes out without any effort. The hole at this moment should not be too compressed or open. How to fart without making a sound if you feel that the air supply is too large? You should tighten the sphincter a little, thus delaying the rushing volleys. The anus should be opened gradually. With regular training in favorable conditions, you can achieve amazing results. However, odorlessness is not guaranteed.
What should not be done if a child has flatulence?
Today, it is not recommended to use special devices (gas tubes) to alleviate symptoms, since the child gets used to “outside help” and does not learn to cope with the problem on his own.
There is a lot of controversy surrounding medications today. There are different groups of drugs on the market that claim to combat flatulence - probiotics, antispasmodics, herbal preparations. However, there are no large studies confirming the effectiveness of at least one of them. If you still decide to use them, be sure to consult your pediatrician. What should be in a home first aid kit for newborns - read here.
